Today I decided to take a trip down to Bulawayo Province to welcome our new arrival spotthedog to Zim and have a look round his swanky setup. I was given a grand tour of the Moria stadium…it’s a lovely piece of engineering with a capacity of 17,682. Right, enough of that. Lets get things running like the back end of a darts punter after a potent cocktail of Guinness and curry from the night before….it stings the nostrils.
Hello spotthedog, thanks for your hospitality and for giving me the time to interview you. I hope you aren’t distracted by lovely assistant Shaniqwah taking the minutes of our meeting, wearing nothing but a loin cloth. *magic mutters “foxy little lady”. She can crack walnuts with her cheeks you know?
If she ever feels the need to publicly display this skill, please let me know.
Anyway.
1. Please introduce yourself.
My name is Spotthedogimus Decimus Meridius, commander of Honey Badgers Don't Care, General of the Honey Badgers Don't Care Youth Team, loyal servant to the true emperors, magicoctopus and safe hands. I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
2. What made you choose a move to Zimbabwe and how are you finding the experience so far?
The community seemed great, there are plenty of nationally organised competitions and the league had the right balance of winnability (it's not a word) and activity. I mean, who wants to beat up three bots to take the league title?
3. What are your clubs ambitions for this season?
I really want to make the last 4 in the cup. IN England, a cup run is so dependent on who you get early on, but I think being in Div 3 is a prime chance to have a good go at the cup while being able to take it easy in the league, to an extent.
4. If you could start your club over again what things would you do differently, or would you play it the same?
I would definitely not have focused on buying youths so much for the first 8 seasons, if you buy U20s every season then you're not really going anywhere, and they're unbelievably expensive. Better to train one or two homegrown youths and buy elder statesmen to compliment them with, ensuring by the time they're too old, the younglings will be ready to take over.
5. Please tell us who your favourite player from your team is and why?
My favourite player is definitely Lumumba Pooler. 7 of his stats are at monumental and he's 211cm tall, I can practically play him anywhere.
6. Who are your team’s biggest rivals?
I haven't made big rivals in Zimbabwe yet, so it would probably have to be Neil's All Stars back in Div II.1 in England. Some cracking battles down the years.
7. Why did you name your team Honey Badgers Don't Care? And can you tell us about your name spotthedog?..Is it a request for us to find your dog in a sea of cats or are you a dog with a spot?
From what I can tell watching the Nat Geo channel, Honey Badgers are the meanest animal on earth, if my team played like honey badgers, we'd be world champions. My club logo is a graphic representation of the idea I had when I came up with the name.
8. What would you consider to be the best moment or achievement for your team so far?
Winning my league in Div 2 in my first season I got promoted. I neglected my team a little when I was involved in the England setup, so I don't have many great moments.
9. Do you support a particular team in RL or indeed play for one?
I support Newcastle Falcons, and play for the E team for my college at University.
10. What are your favourite Band/ Song of all time and/or currently?
Favourite band of all time would have to be The Who with Baba O'Riley being my favourite song.
Currently I'd go for Muse. I can't pick a single song so I'll go with everything they've done apart from their album Resistance.
11. As part of a new initiation…Can you sing us a limerick to sum you and your team up?
There once was a manager called spot,
who really was a bit of a clot,
He played with next week in mind,
and logged on to find,
that Italy had beaten England in the World Cup.
12. What would you do if a purple headed unicorn flew over a rainbow and drop kicked a mongoose over a sleeping rhino?
Run. I heard mongeese get pretty mad when they've been drop kicked, and I'm not sticking around to find out.
13. If you were an animal what one would you be and why?
A Honey Badger. Even Lions know better than to try anything with a honey badger.
14. If you had a superpower what would it be and why?
The ability to recruit animals to my personal army. Imagine going to a zoo with that power...
15. I am tipping you to win the cup...what do you have to say about that and do you have anything to say to the other managers out there hoping to win it?
Honestly, I'm awful... and my team is awful. I assume everybody can beat me on WNWIM. I wouldn't even put your first team out against me.
16. Is there anything else you would like to add?
Thanks for the interview and thanks to the Zim community for being so accommodating!
That concludes the interview with Spot. I would like to thank him for taking the time out for me AND I would like to thank you Zimbabwe..for reading this article. You are all beautiful people and remember....
Stay classy Zimbabwe
